Poem of the Week

Ten Ways to Avoid Lending Your Wheelbarrow to Anybody
Adrian Mitchell

1 PATRIOTIC
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
I didn't lay down my life in World War II
so that you could borrow my wheelbarrow.

2 SNOBBISH
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
Unfortunately Lord Goodman is using it.

3 OVERWEENING
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
It is too mighty a conveyance to be wielded
by any mortal save myself.

4 PIOUS
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
My wheelbarrow is reserved for religious ceremonies.

5 MELODRAMATIC
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
I would sooner be broken on its wheel
and buried in its barrow.

6 PATHETIC
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
I am dying of schizophrenia
and all you can talk about is wheelbarrows.

7 DEFENSIVE
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
Do you think I'm made of wheelbarrows?

8 SINISTER
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
It is full of blood.

9 LECHEROUS
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
Only if I can fuck your wife in it.

10 PHILOSOPHICAL
May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
What is a wheelbarrow?