Ludvig

 An enjoyable cryptic April Fool crossword in the Graun, today

April 1 2013

I loved Radio 4 on barcoded trains this morning, but this was better...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/video/2013/apr/01/guardian-goggles-video

XKCD April Fool

For those of you who might be interested, from Nunhead, on IE, Win XP, maximised Window size, 1152 by 864 pixels, sitting upright, I got the Snake.

Thinking Small - but in a Big Way...

I must have been quite a piece of work in a past life - certainly I was no angel. 

Because in my current incarnation to date I haven't clocked up nearly the number of mortal sins that would account for my I having to do such a large penance as to read - in detail - the new Government ICT Strategy.

For that is what I have just done.

It has certainly taught me a lesson for the future - I will mend my (multi-incarnated) ways.  And as my first act of altruism, I will explain what is in it.  So you don't have to read it. 

So (drumroll) here is the Trees around Nunhead introduction to the:

It is a truism that every strategy is written in reaction to the failed elements of the previous one.  With the NHS National Programme for IT in mind, therefore, this paper sets an upper limit on the size of project that ought to be countenanced.  Small is beautiful.  So nothing over £100m (lifetime costs). 

I'm sorry?

Yes that is what it says.  This is the BIG GOVERNMENT idea of Small.  So big projects seem to be OK so long as they aren't really, really, really Ginormous. 

Eighty million quid?  Chickenfeed, off you go. Spend it all at once. 

There is some vaguely sensible but hopelessly optimistic proposal for a common ICT Infrastructure for Government; removing silos, that kind of thing.  The lifetime cost of which I suspect will prove to be well over £100m, but let's skip over that for the moment, Francis.

But the most tiresome, annoying and worrying aspect of this "strategy", and what I really object to, is that "they" seem to have been suckered in to embracing the latest, trendy jargon and ICT marketing hype along with the apparently practical. 

It makes for strange reading:

To ensure that appropriate data is transparent and shared rather than duplicated, the Government will implement engagement processes for open data standards activity and crowd-source priority areas for data standards

Crowd-source?  Have they any idea what that means - and what the weaknesses and strengths of that model are?  Where it is best used, and where unhelpful? 

I imagine they think its something like an opinion poll or focus group.  Which it is, I suppose - I mean it is something like those things.

The Government will establish an approach and capabilities for agile delivery in government which can be replicated across departments (culture, multidisciplinary teams, risk-based testing, service-oriented architecture, product management and road-mapping)

So that's all right then. 

The word 'agile' has begun to make my skin crawl in sentences like this - because it has become almost content free.

Pardon my asking, but does this approach necessarily produce the best outcomes in, say, defence or health?  On what evidence?  Only asking...  It's just that A level students are taught about this stuff, and what it is and isn't good for, so they could have asked one about it if they'd only thought.

The Government will create a ‘virtual’ centre of excellence across government and the private sector which can enable fast start-up and mobilisation for agile projects 

The Government will identify a pilot project within each department to prove and embed the agile approach 

OK.  So they really mean the agile thing.  Whatever it is. 

This isn't necessarily reassuring.

And there is some Cloud stuff too:

To examine the benefits of delivering standardised desktop services using a cloud-based model, the Government will develop a desktop prototype for the cloud

To detail how services will shift to cloud-based technologies, the Government will publish a Cloud Computing Strategy with implementation plans

But then, you have to say Cloud in strategies nowadays, don't you?  So at least that's one box ticked.

In fact, I began to believe that ticking boxes is what this is all about.  The whole report boils down to some serious Government-sounding sentences peppered with enough random marketing hype to provide all the makings of a rich game of IT bollocks buzzword bingo. 

Or at least so I thought before I came across this:

A Government Skunkworks has been established to develop low-cost, fast and agile ICT solutions. Skunkworks provides a new channel for SMEs and entrepreneurs to participate in government ICT with new and innovative solutions. Skunkworks is embedded into the spending approvals process which identifies where existing products can be reused or solutions developed in-house. Skunkworks is working to develop an environment for SMEs to test their solutions to ensure compatibility within government’s future standardised cloud environment

Finally the parody became obvious even to me.  Skunkworks?
As with the spaghetti trees and the floating islands of San Serriffe, eventually the penny drops.  It is of course a spoof, just published (on March 30th as near as I can work out) a couple or so days too early.

But why would that be?  Why ruin a brilliant April Fool by putting it out in late March?  Not by choice surely - and please tell me it isn't an IT cockup?  That would just be too ironic.

You know, I think I know what happened.  "They" hired one or two other people  - 'industry experts' - to write this stuff.  Who sent in a spoof, for a bit of a laugh, and "they" didn't realise it was a joke. 

You can just imagine the scene in Francis Maude's office:

"If it's complete and ready to go then why don't we send it out now?  No point in waiting to the end of the month if we can put it out early, is there?  So let's just publish it shall we?"
"Yes, Minister." 

Still, it could have been worse.  Imagine what an awful cockup they might have made if they'd tried to be serious about it...

Guardian letter column

So.

The Guardian is having a silly discussion in its letters column about whether the Quick Crossword, or, indeed, Arucaria, is becoming easier. We've had a sensible note about how the Monday cryptic is always a little easier, and altogether, not a lot of sense from the other correspondents.

I started to write to the paper about how I used to do the Quick on the P12 between Nunhead and Peckham Rye, but nowadays I can't always finish it before bedtime. Is this just age? And then I thought about how I am doing more of each Cryptic, whatever day it is.

Which means it isn't (necessarily) that I'm getting more senile.

And when I started the letter I had 2 clues unsolved in the Quick (2 out of 24 or 1/12) and one in the Cryptic (1/29), and as a result I was going to have a rant about the statistics.

But by the time I had finished drafting the letter I'd solved them all - so it all just made me seem smug. So I deleted it.

And anyway, none of the letters, written or considered, really touched on the puns, poetry or sheer joy of Arucaria's crosswords. The pleasure of solving.

So I had another reason not to send it in.

Finally, and for the record, I should just register that yesterday's absolutely lovely cryptic was as much fun as Arucaria's 50th celebration crossword last year.

Today's Crossword

First of April, April Fool's day. So the Guardian Crossword included clues to San Serriffe, Spaghetti Tree, Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse, Panorama, General Pica, and so forth.

Marvellous, of course, but it relied heavily on a certain cultural background and knowledge going back nearly fifty years. I suspect that a lot of cryptic crosswords do, to some extent or another. Today's was just very noticeable.