Who and Henges

It does feel a little late to be posting this.  As I write we are only hours away from the resolution of the new Dr Who series.  The Tardis is exploding, Amy has been shot and the Doctor is being locked forever into the Pandorica by all his foes, in a secret chamber under Stonehenge.

But therein lies my problem.  Under Stonehenge?  Surely everyone who is anyone in the field of SF and fantasy film making has been there already.  Every evil villain, and some heroes, have burrowed beneath those stones to create their secret bases.  Secret?  Frankly, it's the first place you look if you don't know where your enemy is lurking.

So there is something of a credibility gap, for me, in the new series's denoument beneath the henge.  And although at one level, I realise that discusing the notion of credibility in relation to Dr Who is itself something of a stretch, in another sense the use of Stonehenge feels a little, well, too ordinary.

Or it did, until I realised there was a simple answer.  All of those lairs, hidden bases and secret chambers can indeed be found under Stonehenge.  They are all present, in their hundreds, and all available for use by any story that needs them. 

The diagram below explains how this works:-

When the writer or director realises they need to locate their incredibly secret complex below the henge this week - ignoring the fact that it is one of the UK's most-visited tourist attractions - they ring ahead and the appropriate Evil Lair is brought forth from the massive Evil Lair Storage Facility (ELSF for short: think of it as something like a huge version of those vertical car parks they have in Germany).  It is loaded onto the ELDV (Evil Lair Delivery Vehicle), updated with any specialist equiment - cyberman arms or whatever - and then conveyed on ultra-heavy duty rails to a point beneath the henge. It is carefully alligned  with the heel stone and altar stone (so the stairs to the surface are properly lined up), after which a mighty piston  raises the required Lair into place, so that it can fulfil its role in the story.

During the rare times when Stonehenge is not featuring in some story or other as the centre of the bad guys' plans, a default plug of stratified earth, containing lip-smacking Bronze Age and earlier finds is pistoned into place, thus keeping all of the archaeologists happy and contented.

Now, I know this is all rather Thunderbirds-ish, and might be seen by some to be overkill, but I can think of no other sensible explanation that covers all the known facts.. 

It also explains why the Government has cancelled the new Visitor Centre scheme.  Apparently all of the alterations would have risked the discovery of all of this technology - and the politician's own emergency Lair....